Start Where You Are

Where to begin when you don’t know what to say?  I’m reminded of Pema Chodron’s words/book, “Start Where You Are”.  And so I will.

It’s been 10 days now since our family suffered the unexpected loss of our dear sister/mother/daughter, ShaRae – and it still just doesn’t seem real.  We miss her terribly.  We are taking each new day one at a time, and slowly trying to fill in these holes in our hearts.

Everything else seems insignificant.

And the mirror looms rather large:  What are you doing with your life?  Are you taking care of yourself, focusing your time and energy on things that matter?  Oh, the soul-searching.

And then there is the welcome distraction of the reality that we here at Hanna-Hooly Studios have 3 upcoming art shows to prepare for, the first of which – a holiday show in MN – opens just one month from now.  I need to create 4 more small textile paintings and finish 30 ornaments for that show.

"snowflake" ornaments (in progress)

Creativity is a good distraction, escape, even meditation – I’m in a contemplative fog.  There is some healing in the making of things.

A couple mornings ago, still numb and mindlessly web surfing, I came upon this video of 4-year-old Malcolm on his first big mountain bike ride.  His pure exuberant joy re-awakened that 4-year-old life force energy within me.  (It even scared me a little bit too – my palms were sweating by the end of the video.)

Remember what it was like to be 4?  I do.  My first bike without training wheels was a gold schwinn stingray, with a big banana seat and a tall sissy bar on the back.  We got it cheap at a garage sale – it was bad and I loved it.  I used clothespins to attach playing cards to the spokes and tore around the neighborhood with the rest of the kids, usually without a shirt (I didn’t like wearing clothes too much as a kid…I think it was because getting dressed slowed me down – I had a lot to do!).  I was sooooo FREE, so unencumbered back then.

me at age 4, and a similar looking bike to the one i had then

What can we learn from children and what blessings can come from our loss?

None of us can ever know what the future holds.  I’m trying to stay present in the moment, awake with life force and enjoying all that life has to offer, unencumbered (like my 4-year-old self) by those adult things that just don’t matter.  And cherishing the memories of our sweet sister ShaRae.